Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can damage the psyche of a highly sensitive person, especially if they are introverted and tend not to share their suffering with others. Gaslighting is incredibly toxic, as it can make us feel unworthy. Fortunately, there are things we can do to overcome this experience.
Some highly sensitive introverts are especially vulnerable to gaslighting for a few reasons. The most important reason might be their lack of trust and confidence in themselves. Being introverts in an extroverted world, many introverted highly sensitive people have been told from an early age that they overreact or respond in questionable ways. People often criticize them for being ‘too much’ ‘too dramatic’, ‘too sensitive.’ They have been conditioned to believe that there is something wrong with them.
Highly sensitive introverts tend to take things to heart and ruminate over interpersonal challenges more than others. Their empathy makes them dread the idea of ever hurting anyone. They tend to doubt themselves and brood over conflict, even if someone is blaming them unjustifiably. Therefore, they are at a higher risk of believing the lies and manipulations of gaslighters.
When highly sensitive introverts lack confidence in themselves, they are more likely to believe the made-up stories others tell about them. Fear of being ridiculed or dismissed also makes them less likely to say something or defend themselves, even if they sense something is wrong.
Another, perhaps somewhat controversial, a reason why highly sensitive people are more prone to gaslighting is that they can attract narcissistic and controlling people into their lives. Highly sensitive people are natural caregivers, which may attract people who abuse these traits (consciously or not). They are also exceptionally good at reading people and identifying their needs. For this reason, they can understand and empathize with narcissists especially well, which can create a strong bond. Sadly, what feels like a deep soul connection or infatuation may actually be a trauma bond.
For highly sensitive people, gaslighting can be especially harmful because it can make you doubt your own sanity and reality and create a situation that is a replay of childhood wounds from which you have not yet healed.
The gaslighter may:
- Deny what happened.
- Say that you are imagining things.
- Downplay or trivialize your feelings, thoughts, and experiences.
- Pretend that you do not know what you are saying and make you feel silly, stupid, and childish.
- Intentionally withholding information or lie.
- Blaming you for their abusive behaviour
The abuser may use denial, manipulation, and projection to undermine your power. Gaslighting aims to make the victim feel confused about their own intuition. You may feel that what your heart says is invalid. Under these circumstances, you may feel broken and hopeless, which can further affect your psychological well-being.
How to protect yourself from gaslighting if you are a highly sensitive person
1. Learn to trust yourself
Intuition, unlike many other mental abilities, is something you feel strongly about but can never pinpoint. You may feel that you imagine things or that you are overly suspicious in situations where intuition is ringing in your ear. However, when your intuition is trying to tell you something, it is often trying to protect you and you can benefit from listening to it.
In order to trust your intuition, you first need to develop a strong relationship with it. This means spending time getting to know what it feels like when it’s trying to communicate with you. You may learn to tune into the signals your body is sending you and practise trusting your gut feelings.
Often, our intuition speaks to us in the form of feelings rather than words or thoughts. Pay attention not just to what you’re thinking but also to how you’re feeling. If something doesn’t feel right, there’s a good chance that it isn’t.
Learning to trust your intuition can be a life-changing experience. It can help you make better decisions, connect with others on a deeper level, and live a more authentic life.
2. Listen to your emotions
When you are feeling something, it is also trying to tell you something. You may not know what your emotions are telling you, but they are there for a reason. Emotions can be helpful in guiding your life and decisions.
For example, if you are feeling angry, that might be a sign that someone has crossed a boundary that is important to you. If you are feeling scared or anxious, that might be a sign that there is something in your life that you need to address.
If you aren’t sure what your emotions are telling you, it can be helpful to practise frequent self-reflection. Pay attention to what triggers your emotions and what happens when they come up. Journaling can also be a helpful way to explore your emotions and figure out what they are trying to tell you.
3. Express your thoughts and feelings
When we bottle up our thoughts and feelings, they tend to manifest in other ways. We may become irritable or angry, or we may start to feel depressed or anxious. It’s important to find a way to express what we’re feeling in a healthy way. This can be done through assertiveness.
Assertiveness is the ability to express our thoughts and feelings in a clear and confident manner. It allows us to stand up for ourselves without feeling aggressive or passive. When we are assertive, we feel in control of our lives and our relationships.
There are many benefits to being assertive. We feel better when we express our thoughts and feelings honestly. We also build trust with the people around us when we communicate openly and honestly. Additionally, being assertive can help us get what we want in life, both professionally and personally.
When it comes to being assertive, there are a few key things to remember. First, be clear and concise in your communication. Avoid using “I think” or “maybe” in your statements — be direct and honest. Second, make sure that your body language matches your words. Stand tall and project confidence, even if you don’t feel it inside. Third, practice what you want to say before you say it. This will help you stay calm and confident when the time comes. And finally, be respectful of others, even when you are asserting yourself. You can be kind, clear and assertive at the same time, and gradually, people will learn to respect you and your boundaries a lot more.
4. Self-compassion, self-compassion
When it comes to being compassionate, we often think of how to be kind and understanding to others. However, we can also be compassionate toward ourselves. All too often, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be perfect, and when we make a mistake, we criticize ourselves harshly.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can do great damage to our psyche. It can make you feel like everything that happens is your fault. If you have been a victim of gaslighting, do not try to blame yourself. You are being abused and the situation is not your fault. Self-compassion is an exercise that can be learned and takes time to develop. Below are steps that can help you:
- Start by acknowledging your feelings. When you are feeling down, it is important to acknowledge your feelings instead of suppressing them. Say something like, “I am really angry right now” or “I am really sad.” This will help you accept your feelings instead of ignoring them.
- Think about how you would treat a friend, or a child you know, who is going through a hard time. Would you be critical and judgmental or would you be supportive and understanding? Try to be as kind to yourself as you would be to someone you care about.
- Make a list of your positive qualities. Think of all the things you are proud of, no matter how small they may seem.
Conclusion
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can damage the psyche of a highly sensitive person. It can make you feel crazy, unworthy, and like you are always doing something wrong. Fortunately, there are ways you can heal from this experience.
The first step is to understand that what happened to you was not your fault. You were a victim of someone else’s abusive behaviour, and we cannot control other people’s dysfunctional relationship patterns. This may be difficult to accept, but it is an important step in the healing process.
Second, you must give yourself permission to grieve. This may mean crying, screaming, or expressing our feelings in ways that feel natural to you. It is important that you grieve all that was taken from you in the gaslighting relationship.
Third, and most important, is to accept your identity as a highly sensitive introvert and develop confidence based on that. It can be difficult to accept that you are a highly sensitive person. You may feel like there is something wrong with you, or that you are weak because you can’t handle as much stress and stimulation as others. But being a highly sensitive person is not a bad thing. It simply means that you process information differently.
If you can learn to love yourself and trust what your feelings and intuition are telling you, it is not likely that you will be pulled into a gaslighting relationship. Even if you have been in one, self-compassion and self-acceptance are some critical paths to healing the old wounds so you can find peace and joy once again.
For more on this topic, please visit eggshelltherapy.com.
