How to Set Boundaries with Toxic Parents- Without Regrets

“What if I regret it when they die?”

Imi Lo
14 min readMay 24, 2023

Setting boundaries with parents is a weighty and profound journey, especially for those of us who have dealt with unempathic, narcissistic, or emotionally needy parents. The question, “What if they die and I regret it?” brings together two societal taboos — the need to establish boundaries with our parents and contemplate our mortality. However, there is a path to breaking free from this hope->disappointment->guilt->regret cycle.

In this introspective article, we delve into the transformative power of embracing true grief for what we never had and mental strategies we can use to liberate ourselves from the chains of fear and regret.

“I’d assumed that once I’d passed the age of twenty, I’d gained the power to do everything alone. But I’d been wrong about that, and this just brought it home to me, again, that I still had a long way to go.”
Banana Yoshimoto, Moshi Moshi

Despite enduring repeated hurt, many who have been parentified find themselves grappling with the challenge of establishing boundaries with parents who are needy, immature, and controlling.

No matter how much you read or how many times you go to therapy, you may still feel helpless in the face of their constant need for…

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Imi Lo

Imi works with intense, existentially aware and gifted people. Eggshell Therapy: eggshelltherapy.com. Pecan Philosophy: pecanphilosophy.com