Software Engineer Burnout

Imi Lo
10 min readApr 27, 2023

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Being a Gifted Engineer in the Silicon Valley

Software engineer burnout is a significant issue in the tech industry. Gifted engineers often face unique challenges that can make their work environment especially toxic. They may need more challenging tasks to stay engaged and motivated and more autonomy to complete projects on their own terms. It is easy to become bored and burned out at the same time while also feeling underappreciated and underutilized by their company.

“Burnout is nature’s way of telling you, you’ve been going through the motions your soul has departed; you’re a zombie, a member of the walking dead, a sleepwalker. False optimism is like administrating stimulants to an exhausted nervous system.”
Sam Keen

As we know, mental health has emerged as a significant challenge in our society today. Reports reveal that one in four adults suffers from some form of mental illness. Consequently, there is a growing trend among workplaces to promote employee well-being by fostering a more supportive culture. Companies are adopting new tactics to retain their existing talent pool and attract fresh talent, such as providing in-house counseling, introducing a four-day workweek, and emphasizing the importance of maintaining a work-life balance.

Despite these progressive steps, one location remains entrenched in its archaic ways — Silicon Valley. Known worldwide as the tech haven, it is home to numerous high-tech corporations, Fortune 1000 companies, and startups. Companies such as Apple, Google, and Meta now call Silicon Valley home.

However, behind the façade of cutting-edge technology and innovation is a dark side to Silicon Valley’s workings — one won’t be able to imagine how many invisible software engineers burnout there is.

While there are numerous professions within the technology industry in Silicon Valley, including product managers, data scientists, designers, project managers, and more, this article will focus specifically on the issue of burnout among software engineers.

Toxic Work Environment that Breeds Software Engineer Burnout

In tech, software engineers are among those who are most susceptible to overworking. These highly-skilled professionals are responsible for designing, developing, and maintaining complex software systems, which often come with tight deadlines and high levels of stress. In the land of Silicon Valley, where the pressure to innovate and create is constant, the harsh reality of overworking has become a common practice among software engineers and other technical employees. Many have shared their experiences of working long hours, sometimes up to 60-hour weeks, with no breaks, unrealistic quotas, and no holiday breaks, paternity leave, or paid time off.

In 2019, Meta (then Facebook) employee Qin Chen took his own life because he was overwhelmed by the pressure to meet the company’s goals. Qin was a Chinese migrant working for Meta on a visa, which not only brought to the mainstream the toxic work environment of Meta but the mistreatment and disregard of the Chinese immigrants who make up 14% of Silicon Valleys’ overall workforce.

The negative impact of overworking on one’s health cannot be ignored. According to the World Health Organization, individuals who work more than 55 hours per week are 35% more likely to suffer from a stroke and 17% more likely to suffer from heart disease. Additionally, close to 745,000 people die from overworking every year. With these alarming statistics, it is concerning to see CEOs and leaders prioritize profit over the well-being of their employees, especially in the demanding field of software engineering.

Even CEOs are not immune to the severe mental health issues prevalent in Silicon Valley. The constant pressure to succeed and maintain their position takes a toll on their mental health, with 49% of CEOs claiming to be stressed and overworked. Additionally, CEOs are more likely to get divorced than the average person, highlighting the impact of their work on their personal lives.

Silicon Valley has created a culture that prioritizes profit and innovation over the well-being of its employees. The pressure to succeed and constant overworking take a significant toll on the mental health of individuals and has resulted in tragic consequences.

The Duck Syndrome

The term “Duck Syndrome” may sound cute and playful, but the reality of the condition is far from it. It describes people struggling internally but appearing happy and successful on the outside. In other words, it’s like they paddle frantically beneath the surface while trying to maintain a calm and collected demeanor.

Silicon Valley is notorious for being a hotbed of high-achieving individuals who suffer from Duck Syndrome. Software engineer burnout is often hidden behind a veneer of confidence and cheerfulness. Although this facade may help overworked software engineers navigate a toxic work environment in the short term, it can cause them to become increasingly disconnected from their true emotions over time. This, in turn, can exacerbate any existing mental health issues, including Alexithymia — making it difficult to articulate their feelings.

The culture of Silicon Valley places a premium on values such as logic, control, and success. These values can make it challenging for those in the tech industry to open up about their emotional distress. Software engineer burnout as a phenomenon is concealed as vulnerability is seen as being at odds with the goal-oriented mindset required for success.

The problem with trying to be tough and suppress emotions is that it can lead to a breaking point without an outlet or anyone to turn to. The recent trend of quantifying health and meditation apps offered by tech companies does not necessarily translate into actual care for employees’ mental health. While these apps may help people keep track of their physical health, they do not address the root causes of the prevalence of software engineer burnout.

Your Leader may Have Low EQ

The technology sector is a highly competitive industry that has attracted some of the brightest minds from around the world. However, a lack of emotional intelligence and empathy in many of the industry’s leaders has created a problematic culture. While highly intelligent and technically skilled, many leaders lack the interpersonal skills to manage their employees effectively.

While this is not always the case, a typical Silicon Valley CEO has a Type-A personality, including ambition, impatience, workaholism, and competitiveness. These personality traits can be highly motivating for some employees, but prioritizing profit over workers’ well-being contributes to the widespread phenomena of software engineer burnout.

One study by psychologist Katy Cook highlights the cognitive imbalance present in the technology industry. During an 80-minute interview, Cook noted that Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg used the word “feel” only once while saying “think” 28 times. According to Cook, this imbalance indicates the industry’s prioritization of logic and reasoning over emotions.

The lopsided personal development of these leaders can have a domino effect. Self-awareness, emotional regulation,empathy, and social skills of many Silicon Valley executives may be severely lacking. Employees may experience strained relationships, decreased creativity, and lower output as a result of a hostile work environment.

Software Engineer Burnout and the Lack of Diversity

Successful young entrepreneurs in Silicon Valley are “disproportionately white, male, and highly educated”(Atlantic, 2013). In addition to creating structural inequality within the industry itself, the lack of diversity among tech leaders also reduces the chances of those from underrepresented backgrounds achieving success in this field, which has far-reaching implications for the economy and society at large.

People develop empathy deficits when exposed to a toxic work environment with little diversity. In such an environment that resembles a ‘bubble’, it can be easy for bias and discrimination to go undetected. When the tech industry becomes closed off and profit-driven, it stands to reason that other important values, like respect for human life and sound mental health, would suffer as a result.

For software engineers who are a part of minority groups in particular, a lack of diversity can lead to feelings of isolation and alienation. They feel as though their voice is not being heard or valued,which can damage their self-esteem and undermine their confidence in their ability to contribute in meaningful ways.

Another essential contributor to widespread software engineer burnout may be ageism in a culture that prizes youth and novelty over experience and wisdom. , older software engineers can be passed over for promotions or feel like they are seen as less valuable than their younger colleagues.

“Arise eat and rest with no remorse, because the journey is long.”
Dr. Lucas D. Shallua

Being a Gifted Software Engineer in the Silicon Valley

As we can see, being an engineer in Silicon Valley is not easy, and being a gifted engineer in Silicon Valley is even more difficult. You may need more challenging tasks to stay engaged and motivated and more autonomy to complete projects on your own terms. It is easy to become bored and burned out at the same time while also feeling underappreciated and underutilized by your company. Here are some more common challenges you may face that wreak havoc on your mental health on top of a potentially toxic work environment:

Once the smartest person in the room, you are now just average.

Because you are intelligent and hyper-logical, you have probably grown accustomed to being the brightest and fastest person in the room your entire life. However, now that you are surrounded by equally intellectually competent people, your position in Silicon Valley’s intellectual pecking order may be called into question.

The desire to keep up with the best and the brightest can lead to unrealistic expectations and self-doubt. You may begin to question your abilities and feel inadequate when you are not able to keep up with your colleagues. This feeling of falling behind can be overwhelming, and you may feel as though you have vanished into the background. Navigating this new reality without feeling inadequate or inferior can set the scene for downward spirally mental health.

Additionally, being average in a field that is supposed to be exceptional can lead to feelings of disappointment and even shame. Your previous accomplishments may no longer feel significant, and you may struggle to find a sense of purpose or meaning in your work. This can set the scene for a downward spiral in your mental health as you grapple with the loss of your previous identity as the smartest person in the room.

In my case, for example, much of the schooling to which I was subjected was probably worse than nothing. It consisted not of real education, but of repetition and oppressive socialization (entirely superfluous given the dose of oppression I was getting away from school). Had I been left alone, preferably with access to a good library and a minimal amount of high-quality instruction, I would at least have been free to learn without useless distractions and gratuitous indoctrination. But alas, no such luck. — Christopher Langan

Being bright also makes socializing hard

Being exceptionally bright can also make forming ‘normal’ friendships outside work difficult. Your hyper-analytical nature, combined with your intelligence, can lead to social awkwardness and difficulties in understanding everyday social cues.

In social situations, finding like-minded individuals with compatible interests may take more effort and time. This can make it challenging to create deep and meaningful friendships, especially if you find that you are the only one doing all the intellectual heavy lifting. It may take longer for you to find friends with compatible interests. Dating can also be challenging, especially when you have to find someone who understands your intelligence level and is not intimidated or overwhelmed by it.

Furthermore, you may find social events, such as parties or gatherings, to be monotonous and unfulfilling. Instead of engaging in small talk or gossip, you crave thought-provoking and intellectually stimulating conversations. You thrive on debates and discussions that challenge your beliefs and encourage you to think deeply about complex issues. Subjects such as politics, philosophy, and science are more likely to interest you in conversation. It’s not that you’re not interested in hearing what others have to say; it’s that these conversations rarely provide mental stimulation, leaving you feeling overwhelmed or quickly bored.

In Tech, there is an answer for everything, but not so with emotions

Working in tech, you might have become used to adopting an “engineering frame of mind,” which composes of great skills in logic and analysis. Your mind is a master at deconstructing complexity and finding solutions.

However, many things in life cannot be solved systematically and can only be accepted and lived with. One such example is emotions. We can’t always ‘solve’ emotions. In fact, the more we try to analyze things, and find ways to make emotions go away, the more they stick. Emotions are a realm of human experience that cannot be parsed into neat formulas or dissected with surgical precision. They are amorphous, elusive, and wild, capable of leading you astray from reason and balance. And yet, they are an integral part of your life.

For someone like you, who is so skilled at problem-solving, confronting these ineffable aspects of life can be disorienting. You may struggle to make sense of your own emotions, to find a way to bring them under your control. When you are in the grip of intense feelings, it can feel like you are adrift on a sea of uncertainty, with no shore in sight.

When you feel overwhelmed by your emotional difficulties and cannot find a way out, seeking refuge in anything that can offer you temporary relief or a break from the distress is natural. You may find yourself turning to unhealthy ways of coping, such as addictions, distractions, or other forms of escape, in an attempt to numb the pain or avoid the discomfort.

Addictions can take many forms, from substance abuse and alcoholism to compulsive behaviors such as gambling, overeating, or overspending. Distractions and escape can also take many forms. You may find yourself spending hours on mindless activities, such as binge-playing video games or scrolling through social media feeds. These activities may provide a momentary distraction or a sense of relief, but ultimately they only exacerbate the problem and can lead to a host of other issues, including procrastination, slowed work progress, and strained relationships.

“The only thing I was good at was winning scholarships and prizes, and that era was coming to an end”
Sylvia Plath

Calling for a Paradigm Shift

While the rest of the world moves forward, embracing a new era of progress, Silicon Valley remains mired in a toxic work culture. The unrelenting demand for high performance and the relentless pursuit of success fuel a culture that can be detrimental to the mental health of its employees. The very qualities that once made Silicon Valley so unique and groundbreaking — its singular focus on technological progress and innovation — have become its undoing.

The toll of this relentless work culture is devastating. It leaves behind a trail of exhausted, anxious, and unfulfilled individuals who feel trapped in a cycle they can’t escape. While others innovate and reimagine what it means to work, Silicon Valley remains a relic of a time long past, clinging to outdated values and practices. If we don’t break free from this toxic cycle, the industry risks becoming a graveyard for talent, creativity, and innovation.

It is time for a paradigm shift, a new way of thinking that values the holistic well-being of employees as much as it does the bottom line. Progress and innovation are achieved not at the cost of human health and happiness but in harmony with it.

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Imi Lo

Imi works with intense, existentially aware and gifted people. Eggshell Therapy: eggshelltherapy.com. Pecan Philosophy: pecanphilosophy.com