The Slot Machine of Love
If you are struggling with a fear of abandonment, it is likely that you were raised by an emotionally unstable or inconsistent parent.
They have a hot-and-cold, on-and-off emotional pattern.
At moments, they might shower you with warmth and affection, yet at the slightest hint of stress or a trigger, they turn into a different person — often childish, unreasonable, aggressive, or even violent.
This Jekyll and Hyde behavior thrusts you into a perpetual state of hypervigilance and fear, uncertain as to which version of your parent will appear next.
Will it be the caring figure, the harsh critic, or perhaps the unpredictable drunk? What have you done wrong to trigger them? How can you get your ‘good parent’ back?
When they did this, they essentially left you in a lingering state of suspense, saying through their absence: “It is not over until I say it is over.”
In other words, they held all the power.
During these excruciating waits, you were left hanging, desperately longing for the moment your parent would reappear and announce, ‘everything is okay now’.
You waited and waited, perhaps trembling in uncertainty and fear, only to finally receive the reassurance you needed for survival — that you were not being abandoned, that you were still loved, and that you were safe.
